I am God awful at Chess. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be a big deal if I didn't spend a large portion of my life trash talking and berating every potential chess opponent I could come across. Now, if people know me, they know how competitive I am. With that competitive nature, comes an insurmountable amount of trash talk. I'm like an episode of Real World/Road Rules challenge only with slightly more clothing and better teeth. However, when it comes to chess, this is on an entirely different level. I talk trash in chess like the less anti semantic version of Bobby Fischer. I once spent three weeks talking myself up in chess to my roommate before our first game of chess. My tirade of insults towards his mediocre game and self inflated comments knew no bounds. I lost in 10 moves in an Oberweis dairy. There were children there under the age of twelve who were offering up their allowance as betting collateral trying to get me to play them after they saw that destruction.
Just so you know, all of the chess arrogance was genuine. I used to be, what I thought was, a very competent chess player. Forget competent, I used to be legendary. Back in highschool and yahoogames.com I was dominating the competition. But recently, it hasn't just been Greg (who mind you, actually is mediocre) it has been anyone and everyone beating me handily. So this begs the question: was I ever actually good at chess? Was it that I was simply having good results because I was playing terrible opponents? Or was I at some point good and since then have seen my skills deteriorate?
This is exactly how I feel about me when it comes to women and the ever important aspect of "having game.". I'm pretty sure I have no game. Zero. Or, rather, have the worst game of all time. And unlike chess, I'm very much okay with this. Like chess, I used to feel like I had the best game. That I could pull any girl worth pulling (or pushing if she was into that). But recently, since my priorities in what I am looking for have greatly changed, I am having zero results. Back when I was younger, and in particular immediately after I broke up with my ex Brittany, I went through a phase where I was involved with a lot of people. These were, for the most part, a good mix of very attractive girls. Some my age, some younger, some older, some not conscious. One was even Asian. I had to put in minimal work to get these girls. Do a little bit of smiling, tell some jokes, make some advances, and voila! (my sister will be proud of the correct spelling here) mission achieved.
I'm only twenty-one years old. I'm probably better looking now than then. Probably have more money. I definitely have a better skin complexion and DVD collection. I have a better house to take them back to, yet I don't go out with people nearly as much, or when I try, achieve the same results. I realize this is because my priorities have changed greatly. Out of all the girls I have been with, none of them could be or should be or would be characterized as intelligent. "Street Smart" doesn't count, mostly because no one really knows what that means other than someone probably is illiterate. So, with the girls I've been attempting to be with lately, I have gone out of my way to look for someone who is an intellectual.
Now, my "game" with women looks and goes something like this:
1. meet attractive girl
2. have a good first impression
3. somehow make contact with girl
4. intellectually bully/molest girl.
5. girl stops talking to me.
Steps 1-3 look pretty solid. Ah, step 4, how did you sneak in there? What I've realized is I'm really attempting a process of elimination. When I start talking to these people, my humor, my comments, my wit, my thoughts all have some underlying intellectual theme to them. People can't identify with me because I come across like Gandalf the Grey. People don't want to talk to a college professor. They want to hangout with socially normally people. Now, I do this on purpose. It's important that's noted. I'm trying to find someone who respond in such a way that lets me identify them as a potential fit. But this backfires 100 times more than it works. In fact, it's never worked. I really just end up losing people in a whirlwind of confusion.
To further my problems, I also, without much rhyme or reason get far too emotionally unstable and become far too open with people I've been talking to/have known/seen at the grocery store for 1 week. This freaks people out.
So, what the hell has happened? Maybe I was, at one point good with women and things have changed because I enjoy sticking my foot directly in my mouth. Maybe I was never very good with women and met a lot of hoes. Maybe the hoe train is coming back. Maybe I need to stop worrying so much about this and work on my chess game. Both need improving.
No comments:
Post a Comment