Every single parent has a few common traits that simply come with the territory and responsibility of being a parent. One of these is the genuine thought that their child is the best/coolest/smartest/cutest etc of all children. This cannot be helped. The reason I specified it as "genuine" is because people who aren't parents might wonder if parents are playing this reaction up to simply look or feel like a good and nurturing parent. Nope. We truly believe our kid is superior to every other kid in existence, even kids with super powers in comic books. Even terrible parents who do despicable things like throw their new born children in garbage cans think they have the cutest kid. It takes an amazing amount of unconditional love and euphoric thinking to look at an ugly child and truly think it beautiful. This may be the part where someone thinks "there are no ugly children!!!". Notice the heavy use of exclamation points. These people are yelling at me with their minds. But when Adam and Eve committed the first act of sin in the garden, two things happened. Being naked was no longer socially acceptable and children could be ugly. I swear, look it up....ya know...in the Bible? The unfortunate truth is that there are some ugly children. This makes sense, because there are also ugly adults. Beautiful children do not suddenly morph into hideous adults. It's okay though, I still love all children. It isn't their fault they weren't the beneficiary of great genes. They still have an abundance of great qualities and are still amazing kids. I think it's safe to assume everyone reading this has been around parents with their newborn child, meeting them for the first time and having no idea what to say. The normal response is, "Oh, look at *insert gender*! Isn't *insert gender* adorable?". But when the instance takes place in which you are standing next to the offspring of Alien Vs Predator, it is a natural reaction where your mind goes blank. You might say something along the lines of, "Oh! Isn't that something? It's blinking." The point of this is not to bash children. As previously stated, I have an affinity for children. Not in the way the creepy guy with the mustache does driving the 1996 Chevy cargo van around parks. In a really genuine "I would fight anyone who tries to mess with a kid and I learn something every time I'm around a kid that makes me appreciate life" way. But in the aforementioned instance when you are around that ugly kid, knowing it's ugly yet trying to be polite, the parent looks upon that child with an entirely different and wonderful perspective.
Everything I just stated I read from a book. I wouldn't know. This is because, even though I am a parent and am wired to adhere to the biased parental tendencies, I simply do not have to. I am able to view my daughter from a third party perspective and observe her for what she truly is: The World's Coolest Person. Notice I didn't say "kid" or "child". Nope. Her level of coolness transcends children and runs over into the human race. If she wasn't would how I love or treat her every change in the slightest? No, it wouldn't. That love is unconditional in every sense of the word. But lucky for me, Aubrey is an amazing blessing who simply captures every amazing quality I would want in a daughter. I shied away from writing about her for a long time for a few reasons. Partially because to write about her is to face many self fears and doubts I have about myself as a father. The fact that I am not the prototypical dad is something that saddens me on a deep level. I sometimes don't even tell people I have a kid, not because I am ashamed or embarrassed. Quite the opposite. Talking about her reminds me of the fact that I am not there for her in the way I want to be. I know I am involved in the capacity I can, and that I know she knows me as her father and feels love and guidance from me, but seeing her so infrequently is one of the toughest things I have had to face in my life. Another reason I was hesitant to write about her was the feeling that my writing and words would be incapable of describing her adequately and would do her no justice. I'll go for it though....
I think the most amazing part about her is her uncanny ability to blend together so many characteristics in one three year old mind and body. I often spend time with her amazed she is only three. Not only because she is incredibly smart, but because she has the eyes, the thoughts, the mannerisms of someone much older and wiser. She is no doubt an old soul. Sometimes I'll look at her when she doesn't notice me and just observe her thinking. It doesn't look like a three year old thinking. It looks like Yoda does before he is about to battle with the force. Her eyes resonate with some type of wisdom, and sometimes when she looks at you she gives you an expression like she knows more than you ever could. But as much as a sage as she is, she is also very much a three year old girl. The ability to truly capture both elements is truly inspiring and amazing to watch.
Being a three year old must be exciting. She sure makes it desirable to want to be one again. Her sense of imagination and ability to create in her mind is remarkable to me. Yes, she is brilliantly smart, but she also loves to have tea parties. She loves pretending to make juice and tea and brownies, and any other food. And you know what? Every flavor is strawberry. Just deal with it, strawberry soup isn't nearly as bad once you have make believe tried it with her. She loves cartoons and pictures books, yet she will also sit with a book and fill its pages with her own story and words incredibly detailed.
Although easier to say in hindsight, I am glad my first child was a girl. There is a bond between father and daughter that is different from any other type of bond one could experience. I love love love the fact that she is a girl in every definition of the word. She's a girls girl. Not that there is anything wrong with being Tom Boy, I simply always wanted a girl who wanted to be a princess (which is her future vocation if you ask her). Girls that like to hike and wrestle alligators just kind of frighten me. I can barely climb a tree, I don't need some 10 year old girl with a bandanna showing me up, thanks. I was parked by a Citgo gas station earlier today and saw what I previously only thought possible in the South. I saw a group of umm...let's call them "white trash folk" having a tailgate party....in the gas station parking lot. It was exactly how you would imagine. A group of 4 or 5 guys wearing overalls, confederate flag shirts, grilling out of the back of their pickup trucks hooting and hollering singing "Dixie" This isn't exaggerrated at all. They had small 8 inch televisions with kickstands, probably black and white, I don't know. They were in a gas station parking lot, I'll never get over that. Their trailer probably didn't have reception for the tvs. Knowing I have a girly little girl means I'll only have to worry that she might date one of these folks in the future, not the possibility she might join them for a tailgate, for a deer hunting trip, or dating.Aubrey loves to play dollhouse, play dress up, have tea parties, sing and dance and conduct herself like a princess. That's fine by me.
Yet as much as she is a girly girl, she is also incredibly independent. She will ask incredibly inquisitive questions without any prompt from me, as if she has been thinking of the answers for days on end waiting for an opportunity. She will go off and interact with people that she has never met before, introducing herself with great tact and maturity and start engaging in a conversation with them. She will think of her own things to do, ask for company when she wants it and ask to do things by herself when she deems it necessary. I am the over protective father extraordinaire and often stand right by her side while she performs any task that might be considered slightly dangerous or new to her. Many times she will just look at me then remind me she is big enough or smart enough or strong enough or a good enough climber to do whatever she is doing without me at her hip. She will politely ask me to give her space and attempt to be a kid on her own. As adventurous and independent as she is, there are also many times she crawls into my arms looking for protection and comfort. While we play games, often times she will take on the role of helpless vixen, as she calls me to be her protector and save her from the invisible foes that try to capture her. She loves cuddling with her daddy when she longs for affection and looks for opportunities to smother me with hugs and kisses.
I could go on and on about her and fill pages and pages. Her personality is so complex it almost scares me, in a good way, but nonetheless can be unnerving. I wonder if she possesses not only my good qualities, but also my darker and less desirable ones. But If being with her has taught me one thing, it is that she is her own person, even at three years old. I can already see her potential far outshines my own and that she will be as wonderful an adolescent and adult as she is young child.
She is inspiring.
She is creative.
She is smart and sassy
She is incredibly beautiful and freckled.
She is three.
She loves strawberries.
She is my daughter.
I love her.
