I think it's relatively safe to say that most people who know me would classify me as a gambler. For a long time that label made me defensive. I thought my gambling or betting was, somehow, unique. I wasn't the "traditional gambler". I didn't bet on random events or games. I only bet while playing poker; a game just as dependent on skill as it is luck or variance. To me a true gambler would be willing to place bets on anything and everything, even things they had no control over.
While I still try to adhere to my old philosophy of only betting on things where I can somehow directly affect the outcome, I'm certainly a gambler. I've embraced it, or rather, excepted it. Gamblers have bad stigmas attached to them. They look irresponsible, compulsive, not in control. They wear suspenders, smoke cigars, drink bad scotch. You can see how I wouldn't want my name and image to be attached to suspenders, can't you? But I'm a gambler. I bet on things consistently with my roommate. Poker was the start and still is the fulcrum, but darts, disc golf, video games, sales performances, etc are all things I have bet on. There is a trend there that is pretty consistent with what I mentioned earlier. Only wanting to bet on competition, or things I am personally doing and responsible for the final outcome. But I also bet on random things, and more importantly, I bet on things I shouldn't. During these times the cliched old man compulsive gambler rears his semi balding head and makes me look like a fool.
One instance of this happening took place last week during a get together at my apartment. I was playing beer pong. Let me rephrase: I was running the table all night. I was operating at another level. I won something like 13 straight games. But 13 games of beer pong, even whilst winning, is still a lot of beer consumption. My skills at beer pong drunk are still better than the average sober person, but at this time, a friend of mine came over who is probably better than me at beer pong at any state of sobriety. I split a series of two games with him, winning the first, and losing the second. Then, I lost again. Going 1 out of 3 and having my ego on the line somehow motivated me to take out three hundred dollars cash from my wallet and start loudly challenging anyone who would play me in a game of beer pong for three hundred dollars. Wait, what? It's important to note that three hundred dollars was probably for rent or some bill. I don't just have three hundred dollars laying around to lose. This wasn't the strip club, this was my apartment. So the fact that I was waving around three bills in peoples faces wasn't either:
A) Impressive
or
B) Wise
It was simply me being an idiot. Lucky for me, I don't think anyone else there had three hundred dollars. The bet never came to fruition. I continued to play beer pong for pride and glory, rather than rent and car payments.
I want to continue with these stories....They are incredibly flattering to myself
Approximately a month ago, a building started being built (go figure) a few streets down from my apartment. After a few weeks of construction the general frame had been established. I come from a background where I have seen many a church building in my youth. This building was the same design as a classic Lutheran or Baptist style church. It even had an elevated peak in the front coming to a slope where, I thought, the cross would go on top. I was so certain this building was a church, I was ready to name it. My roommate Greg wouldn't know a church from a barn. He stays away from church the way I stay away Boys Town. When we drove by this building together and bantered back and forth about what it was, I knew it was time to put a wager down. I know easy money when I see it, and this was as green as grass...assuming it was properly watered and manicured, that is. I won't disclose the terms of the bet, only will tell you my money was on it being a church and his any other building where worship wasn't taking place.
The building is now finished folks
I'll give you a hint. There are certainly people in there who are praying and everyone who attends there is a sinner. But it's not a church. It's a Golden Corral.
For the sake of those who skim this briefly and don't read thoroughly I'll tell you again.
ITS A GOLDEN CORRAL BUFFET
Now, I don't know why Golden Corral designs their buildings like the modern day church. I can't tell you why it looks like the Vatican. But what I can tell you is that this is supremely disappointing. For years, when people have asked me the question, "George, what is the shitiest, lowest quality buffet in Aurora?" the answer has been as instinctual and easy as waking up. "The Ponderosa" I would respond without hesitation. Now, if someone was to ask me that same question, I'd have to stop and really think hard about it. And just to let you know, these two buffets are located like 150 yards from one another. Did Golden Corral scout at that location for months thinking, "Man, that Ponderosa is really taking all our business in the shitty buffet industry. We better take back our rightful place in this Aurora market. Let's pull a fast one on them and open our doors 150 yards from them."??????
I don't get it. But if I'm ever mayor the first thing I'm implementing is the "Shitty Buffet Ordinance". It won't allow one terrible buffet to open up within a proximity of 5 miles from another terrible buffet.
The last thing I want to attract to my lovely town are some of those old, degenerate, compulsive gamblers who wear suspenders and crave cheap, awful food.
I guess I'll see you in line.....
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