Prestige Worldwide Presents: Bigger Biceps, Smaller Social Network

I've spent the last two months hibernating from society. That isn't altogether much different from my normal interaction with people, but the last two months have been a defining point for me in terms of seclusion. Bears look at me with envy knowing they can't even hibernate as long as I have. I look at them jealous of their fur coats, knowing that I can't grow a beard a 12 year old would be proud of. I seriously might write a blog in the near future solely devoted to my facial hair and the challenges it has presented me in my life. It's the number one reason my ethnicity and citizenship are questioned on a semi regular basis. However, in the last two months I have actually tried to blog several times. I know no one cares (except Ashley...you get a shout out), but while I was trying to literally hide my face from society, I still wanted to get my words and thoughts out there to and achieve some semblance of being normal and social. In the last two months, I have started four or five blogs, failing to complete any of them. I won't get into the various reasons why, but most of them involved the same topic of theme. And while I thought I was at a point where I could write about it, apparently I can't. Without divulging what I'm talking about, simply know it was the single most difficult thing I've had to write about. I was also trying to think of things to blog about other than that. I obviously didn't think of anything good. I've had a two month long case of "kind of a writer's block". I'm not a writer by definition, and the only true block I've been a part of in the last two months was being accused of being a "cock block" to a buddy. In all seriousness, besides the lack of talent I possess as a writer, I know writing could never be a vocation because I imagine every writer (male and female) at some point grows a huge beard. I imagine every writer at some point in their life holes up in some cabin for two and a half years working on that "project", whatever it might be. And they don't shave the entire time. I simply cannot be a writer because after three years locked up in a cabin, I would come out and people would ask me to wash the dirt off my upper lip. They would confuse my thin wispy mustache and beard for ants or something.

I posted something on facebook a week ago stating that I wanted to be more social. It wasn't the "I'm gay" announcement people have been expecting, but it's actually probably just as shocking. For some odd reason, people that don't really know me think I am this wild and crazy kid, partying into the night 7 days a week and living in a bachelor pad. I've possessed this weird quality all my life where in a social setting, I can be incredibly fun to be around. I hate using this term, but I can be "the life of the party". I can be a fun and likable person and genuinely have a good time. People often confuse me for being drunk when I've had little to nothing to drink simply because in that setting I change and become a different person. However, naturally, I'm a very shy and reserved person. I don't really enjoy the company of other people. I genuinely prefer doing things alone most of the time, it's just the way I'm wired I suppose. But it's also very somber and depressing. I have a great group of friends that I actually rarely socialize with or hang out in a social setting with. To almost all my friends, I'm the friend they would associate with responsibility and serious natured discussions. I'm not just "one of the guys". And I want to be, I wish I was. I almost wish people's opinions of me were held in a lower regard where people weren't constantly trying to meet a certain standard around me.


So, I have decided that I want to be more engaging. I want to be more social. I almost want to hire a coach and show me what this all entails. I don't quite know where to start. The two places I spend most of my time are my work and the gym. My work is the bane of all things social. It is solitary confinement with beds instead of guards and restraints. And while I actually have a great network of people I am "friends" with at the gym.....it's still the gym. They are mostly "gym friends". If the extent of my friendship is built around you spotting me lifting weight, it's probably not the deepest of friendships. What kind of gets me down and makes me want to abort the mission before I even start it is the thought that my schedule and life is not built around accommodating going out and being social and having fun. What time do I have? I work a job in which a 9 hour shift is considered a short work day, and where getting home by 9:30 is exciting to me because I still have my night free....to go to the gym. Most people build a solid network of friends through their workplace. I work by myself and in a company where, up until a year ago, I was the youngest employee in the company. The average employee here is 48 years old, overweight, a drug addict and a racist. If they only had 3 out of 4 of those qualities, we might be on to something, but all 4 is pushing it as a close buddy of mine.


What I have decided is that all the reasons I have to remain in my current situation are simply excuses to not change and to be complacent. I can change whatever aspects of my life that aren't pleasing to me. I don't know where to start, but I'll start all the same. Without this sounding like a poorly written inspiration speech from "The Patriot", I'll conclude by simply asking:


Who's Going Out Tonight?


(see you at the gym)